No Regrets
by Kyo-chan
Summary: Roy decides to tell Riza the truth about the last time he saw Edward. 4 of 6 in the Dead is the New Alive pre-story. **Yaoi themes**


Riza's body was warm against him, her fingertips tracing vague shapes along his chest, her thigh draped over his hip. Roy felt content, sated and slightly guilty.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked him. Her voice sent a shiver down his spine. It was still husky with lingering desire, hushed in the darkness of the room.

Roy didn't want to tell her, but since he hadn't been able to get it off his mind, he found it more and more difficult to keep it to himself. "Do you remember when Fullmetal and I last saw each other?"

"Right before you went to Bradley's home, yes."

_"Hawkeye, could you excuse us for a moment?"_

_She raises her eyes to the rearview mirror, searching the expression on Roy's face and seeing Ed's curiosity to the sudden request as well. She doesn't ask, however. Whatever business he has in private with Fullmetal is theirs to have. But she still checks her gun before opening the door and stepping out into the sunset-bathed street. Riza counts her paces away from the car and stands watch so that they aren't disturbed._

The words he wanted to say next were lodged in his throat. Roy had difficulty getting past them, how to say them. Especially with Riza's naked skin and scent so close to him. That only spurred the guilt further...and made him want to be honest with the woman he had chosen as his queen.

"I...thought there was a chance we might never see each other again." How true that had been. Nothing had been seen of the Fullmetal Alchemist in almost three years. "I needed him to know that he wasn't alone."

Riza's chuckle was soft against his throat, and he didn't know whether to be offended or concerned as to its origin. "What?"

"I have a good idea of what happened when I left the car, Roy."

"You..." Heat flooded his face, and he was thankful that the darkness could cover the sight of it, if not the feel.

"I never brought it up because I didn't think you ever stopped beating yourself up over it."

She knew him all too well.

"He wouldn't look at me. All that brave talk and he couldn't look me in the face once. He didn't want us…want me to see. When I finally saw his eyes, it took me straight back into Ishval. Where grown men wanted to break down and cry, but if they did, they might never stop. I could never really work it out in my head whether he was a boy or a man."

"You didn't take advantage of him, if that's what you think."

"You sound so sure."

"Because I'm right."

"According to you, you're always right." This time, it was Roy that laughed, some of his nervous and guilty edge gone.

"You have always given him something no else has, not even his brother. An unwavering faith. All those times he was implicated, challenged your authority, said words to your face he couldn't take back, you never abandoned him, and you never betrayed him. In return, he drove you to stay true to the promise you made to Maes. You can call it equivalent exchange, if you wish."

_Her gaze flickers over when she hears the doors opening. Roy and Ed both get out of the car, not saying a word. For a moment, she fears that they have been fighting again, but her commanding officer's eyes don't burn with suppressed anger, but something else she only rarely sees when no one else is watching. Ed sweeps a hand through his hair in one quick motion, and she doesn't think it's a trick of the light that the tips of his ears look red. They stand before one another as equals, each pressing the other with that challenging look that she knows. _"Don't die."_ The mantra of comrades on the battlefield. Ed denies Roy his hand in one final parting shot. He intends to return, to seek the results of their struggle. She looks forward to seeing it happen._

"We'd found common ground, said we were sorry in our own ways. But I couldn't let him leave without knowing…without being able to feel something more. Just once."

"Then I'm still right." Riza leaned in to kiss him gently on the lips. "If you're looking for forgiveness, Roy, there's nothing to forgive. He and I are not the same to you, nor will we ever be." She laughed again, and he could just imagine the mischievous grin she had on her face, wishing he could see it. "The king should always have his queen. But he should also have his knight."

The laugh tumbled from him without warning. "I think you've confused who wore the suit of armor."

"Perhaps. Speaking of, you know the practicals are coming up," she reminded him. "He passed the written exam in the top three. You'll have an Elric causing trouble again in no time."

"I just wish that I could tell him what he really wants to know," Roy murmured. "In all this time, I thought for sure that Ed would have shown up by now, as obnoxious as he always was. Three years and there's been nothing."

"Alphonse won't stop looking for him just because no one knows where he is. That's not how they work, and you know it."

"At least Alphonse has an idea of what manners and respect are."

"Oh, I'm certain Edward knew. He just chose not to use them with you."

Roy shifted, turning onto his side so that he could wrap his arms tightly around Riza. After being so sure that he and Ed would be yelling in each other's faces in no time, three years had slowly started to dim that hope. With Kimblee returned from Briggs, Riza at his side and Alphonse certain to join their ranks, he vowed that he would do everything that he could to keep climbing, to protect everything that he had left. If he didn't, Ed would never let him hear the end of it, and when the Fullmetal Alchemist finally showed up again, Roy would face him with no regrets.


End file.
